You were my first drug and I am so in love with you.

I was so in love with you. Even after watching you go through girl after girl, fall in love with one of my cousins, and try to sleep with ANOTHER of my cousins, all skinnier and prettier then I am. Even after I trusted you enough to let you sleep next to me, and one night I woke up to find you grinding against me and getting off while you thought I was asleep.

I felt like you were a drug that I was addicted to. I knew you were bad for me. But I couldn't stand the thought of not being around you, not seeing you.

And then we went to college hundreds of miles away, and I just-stopped hearing from you. You found new friends, new girls to fawn over you, and I suddenly didn't matter anymore. I was your only friend when high school was over, and I didn't even merit an email. And I checked my mail, day after day, hoping I would have heard from you, too proud to email you and ask if you even remembered me. You broke my heart without saying a word.

Now, I feel nothing for you. I'm just empty. My boyfriend now you'd remember well. He still thinks that the sun rises and sets around me. But I don't love him either.

And I wonder, sometimes, if I will ever love again as I loved you. Or if this is how adults love; this fondness for eachother that equates in no way to the intensity of the emotions you brought out within me.

Related posts:

1. I love this woman so much!
2. I’ve convinced all of my friends I don’t love him.
3. I have fallen in love with you!
4. I am falling in love with this guy in my class.
5. Married, but in love with best friend’s wife.