You SUCK! Stop making stuff up! Do your job!

I get it that you are old and had bad things happen to you but you have GOT to get over it!
Stop making shit up; we all know you lie about stuff all the time!!! That customer did not throw anything at you; I saw the whole thing. The shipment wasn't late, you just forgot to order it; I found out.
Stop yelling in the office! This is our business; you need to keep your voice down. I know you only yell and mumble profanity because you aren't getting enough attention. get over it; you're a grown man, not a child.
Grow up! Stop barking at people. That is really weird. It's kinda funny/cute the first couple of barks. But then you can stop. You don't need to bark and howl at people who don't know you. That laughter you hear is nervousness. you are scaring the customers.
Do your job! You don't need to be in everyone elses business, and vise versa! I don't care if you were up til 3 in the morning because of noisy neighbors... No, I don't want a 30 minute long description of the whole incident... And yes, I do look like hell this morning(thanks for pointing that out). I'm sick but I don't want to talk about it. I have a cold and I don't feel good so please go away and give me 20 minutes with my hot tea before I start these reports.
Life is really great! you need to realize this! The sun is shining, you have wonderful food on your plate for lunch, a job that pays you WAY too much and people who tolerate you better than i do. So take a deep breath, shut your mouth, and be grateful for everything in your life. It's not that bad.

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1. You SUCK!