Confessions and Erotic Stories » Confessions, Rape » I want to help him
I want to help him
My fiance was recently raped by his best friend of over ten years. It happened when a few of the guys went out for a beer together after work, in the bathroom of the bar. When he came home that night he was covered in bruises and could barely articulate a sentence, it took me hours to convince him to tell me what happened and once he did I told him sort of offhandedly that I didn't believe him. I know it was terrible and wrong of me to say that, and I know he hasn't forgiven me for that. Once he told me I convinced him to get a rape kit done. I could tell that he felt ashamed and humiliated, but when I tried o comfort him he pushed me away. In the five weeks since it has happened he has become completely withdrawn, he barly even looks at me and doesn't talk to anyone. He hasn't been to work and I have been staying home as well in fear that he may try to hurt himself if I'm not there. I can understand what he is going through to some extent as I was nearly assaulted by my high school teacher the year I graduated. I have offered to see a counselor with him but he says he just needs more time. I think that he resents me for calling the police that niht but I couldn't just ignore what happened and allow that bastard to go on as if nothing had changed. I don't know what to do, he barely moves from the bed and I can hear him crying almost contantly. He has convinced himself that the whole thing was his own fault, and tells me that he does not want to see friends or family or anyone else because he is unclean. He needs to forgive himself and start to move on, but I don't know how much longer I should give him. Right now he is just dwelling on something that he could never have prevented and making himself suffer for it.
No related posts.
Filed under: Confessions, Rape
Fortunately it sounds like you have not actually been raped. Both my husband and myself have and we were both raped twice in our lives. My husband did not get violently raped like your bf. However, if you are thinking about sticking things out to end up married with this guy. My suggestion is to give him space. He needs it really bad. Maybe suggest camping in the woods for a few weeks. I have found this beneficial for myself and so has my husband. We raise our boys to believe they can conquer anything and they are always the strongest. Then when life proves otherwise by assault or other instances, we wonder why they freak out. This is a normal part of the process. In about another 6-10 months he may feel secure enough to talk then. Make sure you comfort him physically. Holding them like a small boy, if you are not a mom, watch some moms with teen boys. They need to be hugged and reassured they are still a man and that they are not broken or damaged goods. When he gets better it will not always stay better. Also, I would suggest counseling for yourself. You are going to become a victim in a sense too later. This is nearly inevitable! When it happens be gentle but firm and tell him you understand he is angry but you are not the source of his anger! He is searching for how he lost his masculinity as a man, not dwelling on being raped. There are very few groups or even good counselors for when men are raped sadly. This is because so few come forward. He may also resent you because even though you were trying to protect him by calling the cops, you further busted his balls by doing so. In time even if you don’t stay together or get married he will appreciate what you did for him and thank you for it. You can also take him to a hospital or call the cops if he starts to talk about physically hurting himself. Then the hospital can keep him for a bit and talk to him about the crisis. He is very much in crisis mode still. It will take a long time to change that! I’m very sorry. Hope this helps!:)
he is angry with himself over the situation. that he trusted the guy. you are never going to be able to heal him from your actions when he told you about it. i imagine its not because you called the police, its because you didnt believe it, now all of your efforts are viewed as insincere. no one is on his side, he feels alone with it and craves comfort, but the shame causes him to hide away. break thru his fog, beg him for forgiveness , he will get defensive, pissed off, he may knock your teeth out, but no matter what make him face the fact that you are there and it isn’t his fault, he isnt weak because this happened to him. when he sees finally that you are serious and regretful for your fuck up he will lean on you. you can’t approach this like one of your girlfriends, men have emotions the same as women but we deal with it completely different. you have a battle ahead of you.