death of my nanny

When I was 2 years old I lost my nanny who was murdered by my father - a child rapist as she was trying to help my sister who was being raped by this jerk. I feel very guilty because I was the one who told her what was happening and begged her for help.

I loved her more than anything and would do anything to get her back. She was very pretty, very nice to me and my siblings. She also sang in tune.
It seems that I can't get over it for the time being. And now I hate my sister for having being so close to this jerk all her childhood up to now.

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