I wish I was dead

I completely hate myself. I’m 32, have been depressed for over half my life and I really don’t think I can deal with it any more.

It feels as though the end is coming, as I have no energy left. I can’t deal with being the repulsive, disgusting, ugly, awkward, anxious, unlovable, emotionally fucked up mess that I am. I find almost no pleasure in anything I do, and I’m tired of being constantly rejected by women. I’m clearly not enough of a man, whatever the fuck that’s meant to mean. Maybe if I was more confident or more of an arrogant bastard people would respect me, but it’s just not who I am. I dont’t even know where to begin

I have nothing to look forward to, and lifetime of regrets, my main one being that I didn’t successfully kill myself when I was 19. I know it’s the norm to say ‘suicide is the most selfish thing you can do’, but as I see it, everything people do is selfish. It seems incredibly selfish for people to want me to carry on my miserable existance. And that’s all I do, exist – I don’t have a real life like most people.

I think that’s it. I really don’t know what else to say

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