My bad childhood experience
**You are going to read about incest and sex below. Please read it only if you really intend to. This can screw your mind.**
I would like to share my childhood experience with somebody. I have not discussed these things with anyone, partly because I am not that brave and partly because I dont want ppl I care to hear this crap. But, that’s exactly what I intend to write here. I think there are incest discussions like these already going on here, and this should be a safe place to segregate this material from unwanted readers.
I am 23 and I’ve been a guy with a lot of sexual desire. All my experience was during my teenage years. I had an incest relationship with my younger sister(4 years younger).
It was I who pulled her into this. It totally screwed the relationship between us. I used to have this sexual desire that wakes me from sleep, still do. But, back then when I woke up in the night I find my sister sleeping next to me, and I touched her. It woke her up sometimes and I kind of made her accept it eventually by pretending to be sleepy. She did the same. It was so pathetic.
But after I jerked off, I would return to normal and feel hell after that. This happened periodically, during nearly 3 years, when I was 15-18 yrs. It would have happened about 5-10 times totally during that period. Once I went as far as taking her hand and giving myself a jerk. Yes, I was a real loser.
I felt very bad this every single day till today, but suddenly when I woke from sleep and when I had that urge I was completely blindsided. Its a big pain to realize now that I destroyed the innocence of my sister. I have kind of learnt to live with it now. But the thoughts prick me all the time, making me depressed and guilty.
I felt like I needed to atleast tell this to someone. Didnt find a better place. Its been nearly 6 years since this happened and still carry the same pain.
I did gather courage to ask her(a few months ago) if she felt like telling me something, if she was disturbed by this, which should be true. She said she will tell me if there is something. We talk very less and we just pretend as if nothing really happened. Feels so fake sometimes.
I still can’t accept and forget about this. I hope I can prevent others to go through similar situations. I feel I was so weak that I could not even control my desires against something I felt was so wrong.
I just want to hear your reactions.
February 21st, 2010 at 12:38 am
Hi, your story is nothing to be ashamed of. It is completely natural to experiment and sexual encounters between siblings are common. You feel guilt because you were older than her and perhaps feel like you had taken advantage of her, but you didn’t do anything so bizarre really ! Honestly, I would suggest to be open about it with your sister and you will feel much better. We live in a repressive society and that is why you feel the way you do. Your intention was not to hurt her. We are all pathetic as human beings in our own little ways (just no one likes talking about it). The best thing to do is laugh about it, and be open so you don’t stress yourself out over a little thing like that. We are sexual beings by nature. All the best to you.
May 4th, 2010 at 10:05 am
you need to cut the shit because had she told any one you would go to state prision for the next 5 years and if you made it out with out being raped or stabed lucky you. you still face civil comitment for the rest of your life. then if you were so lucky as to avoid all that you would be labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life. then your story would realy be out. dont you read the news.