Happy Birthday V
I fear that I may have gotten really hung up on one of my teachers, to be more specific, my debate coach. After having her as a coach for almost a year now, I feel that I really care about her, in a romantic way… She recently went through a bad breakup and I really just wanted to be able to tell her that I’d be there for her, that it’d be okay, let her know that he was lucky to have her in the first place and an idiot for letting her slip away. But I can’t. Shes 10 years older than me and I feel like a fool for letting myself feel this way about someone who it would be impossible for me to ever really have any resemblance of a relationship with. But as much as my rational mind scoffs at the thought, my heart can’t help the desire to be with her… To love and care for her, to never hurt her and protect her from those who would hurt her, to be with her forever and share my life with her. But all of this is impossible, nothing but a pipe dream, I can never have what I want so badly for the simple, stupid fact that I was born 10 years too late. I’ve displayed a lot of unnecessary aggression towards my parents because of this. They don’t know why, they think I’m just being an angst-ridden teenager, but I just can’t help blaming them… I would give anything for things to be different, to have a chance at happiness. I’m naive enough to hope endlessly for a godsend that undoubtedly won’t come, but I’m realistic enough to realize that the only course of action that makes any sense is to get over my own selfish desires and learn to appreciate what I already have. The only problem is I’m just stubborn enough to side with my naivete and keep hoping theres a shot, the only thing that is keeping me from crying right now is just the senseless, baseless repetition of those 5 words, “There might be a chance…” Happy Birthday V.
