I am losing hope.
Lately I find life so boring, having no meaning at all. One of the counselers I saw said I was losing… hope. Some mornings I wake up feeling alive. But more then others I wake up wishing I wasn’t breathing. The current counselor I’m seeing is thinking this is because of me and my mother not getting along, when really I think it’s because of everything, not just one specific thing. I feel like life is fake, not real. And it’s bothering me. I’ve always been chipper and now.. I’m not. Now I sometimes cry for no reason when waking up, or before bed, or sometimes just randomly, I don’t want to talk to anyone either, not even my friends. Ugh. I just feel so hopeless. Uhh.
August 11th, 2008 at 2:14 am
I feel the exact same way, every sentence… youre not alone.
September 5th, 2009 at 6:56 am
hey,
I went through something like this. May be I still do, partly. What a cliche:)
I am no expert to guide you.
But it might help to just go out and talk to people. Some people can be insensitive that you tend to believe this way. Dont let them get you. But I feel that you need to put this self doubt behind and you will eventually find that it is gone, perhaps sooner than you can imagine.
Remember to be understanding to ppl. They share similar feelings. You and I are after all not that different.
And get yourself interested in activities that interest you. Don’t waste your time contemplating such empty thoughts.
Try reading and listening to this if possible
http://www.lyricscrawler.com/song/3953.html
good luck
January 18th, 2010 at 7:37 pm
I am also right there with you. If you find the secret to not wishing i didn’t exist… let me know.
April 5th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Loneliness is killing me, too. I’ve spent a lifetime being largely satisfied with solitude because I really don’t like people. I have felt both fatally flawed and fundamentally unlike other people, but I’ve always been able to read and watch movies and I keep myself contentedly occupied by myself.
Best of all, I seemed always to find the occasional friend and, when I did, what I had with them always ran deep. When I have had a friend, they’ve tended to become best friends. I’ve never had “a circle” of essentially unimportant acquaintances who fill the time without substance. When I know someone, I go all the way or not at all.
And I’ve had my various jobs to make demands and keep me in contact with people. Then, as my life went on, one by one, the friends dropped away. Purposely. I drained them and they needed to find something that fed them. So they left. I didn’t know I was doing what I was to them, having the effect I was. They were my best friend and now I wonder if I was a friend to them at all. If they tried to tell me what it was like for them, trying to support me emotionally, I never heard it. I focused on myself to the exclusion of all else.
Now, I’m in a job where my only direct co-worker refuses to speak to me. She dislikes me and there’s nothing I can do about it. She’s worked at this company for 30 years and I’ve worked here less than two. She just doesn’t want me here. And having to sit here all day, every day, without ever speaking with anyone brings into focus the emptiness I’ve always been skating away from. The friends aren’t there and, simultaneously, neither are the co-workers.
It’s really pretty bad and I have no hope other than in the seasons. I have to believe I’ll feel better in the summer and that it will be enough to get me through.
I don’t have cancer, no one in my family - I’m sure you can guess I’m not close with them - is unwell. It could be worse. But it’s bad enough and I don’t know what to do about it.
I am responsible to myself and I’m letting myself down very, very badly.
April 28th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
i feel the same
but finding no door to get out of this